smell my finger.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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