I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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