he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
