it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
