A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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