my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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