do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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