The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
