A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
