I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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