Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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