carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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