Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
