so that wasnt chicken after all
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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