The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
