What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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