my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
