census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
