My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
