Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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