I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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