How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
