Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
