nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
