need another drink. this is the easiest way
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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