If i come over, it means nothing
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
