I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
