How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize