I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
