he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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