I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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