Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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