i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
