Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
