I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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