my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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