rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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