Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
