did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
