I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
