I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
