just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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