I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
