I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
