Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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