I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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