All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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