What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
