from now on my penis is your penis
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
