Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
