I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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