Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
