the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
