Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sarcasm needs its own font
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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