his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
