I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I want is dick and wine.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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