in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
