he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you would pick up someone in the library
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
