He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
