I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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