glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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