I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
