is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
