So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
