Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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