i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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