Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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