cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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