I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
