youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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