from now on my penis is your penis
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My penis needs a shock collar
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
