You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
