I feel like abortions should bother me more
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize