If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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