I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
handjob tips. give me some.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
