saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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