I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
