Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
