I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
